


Ram Vol. 2

by Tightredpants



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, References to Depression, farm au, for the big bang, this was supposed to be lighthearted and cute but lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21806302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tightredpants/pseuds/Tightredpants
Summary: Miles and Alex buy a farm
Relationships: Miles Kane/Alex Turner
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30
Collections: Milex Big Bang 2019





	Ram Vol. 2

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! very excited to be a part of the big bang! i hope you all enjoy this! again, a lot of themes of anxiety and depression, so be safe! definitely wasn't planning on writing something like this but oh well!

The morning sun drifted in lazily through the blinds, the only sounds in the room being the ceiling fan, and the rising and falling of chests. Miles is awake, laying next to Alex, watching him as he slept, one of the few moments he knew the man next to him was actually at peace. Even still, Alex looked exhausted, a full eight hours barely touching the dark rings hanging around his eyes. He’d long since wiped the tears from Alex’ eyes, but he could tell even from his closed eyes they were red and bloodshot. Miles prayed every day, just like his mum had taught him as a child, that Alex would wake up and miraculously be fixed, be himself again, but that day hasn't come, and he had little doubts this day would be any different. Especially considering the previous night, something that was supposed to be a fun little gathering but turned into a disaster. 

Alex had almost refused to leave the house for weeks, and it was beginning to be very difficult declining every single invitation to join the other lads at the pub. Miles had begged him to come out when he immediately turned down the offer; they hadn’t had a proper night out in God knows how long. Finally, he agreed, but not without an extreme reluctance for the entire situation, grumbling to himself the whole time he got ready. They made their way down to the pub, Alex with his usual thousand yard stare, and when they arrived, it was evident that no one expected them to show up. They were greeted with hugs and a round of ciders; Alex being a few seconds short of downright chugging his. Thankfully everyone was in high spirits, and took his action as a cue to begin the night's festivities. Jamie shot up to gather another round of pints, but Miles was less than impressed. 

The evening began smoothly enough, everyone falling into excited chatter about any topic that was brought up, and drinks flowing at a steady pace. Miles and Matt were deep in conversation when Miles looked around the table, and Alex was nowhere to be seen. He excused himself promptly, saying he had to use the toilets, and began his search for Alex. Once he entered the bathroom he found the man in question, hunched over the sink, and Miles could tell he was breathing rapidly, like he’d just finished a marathon. 

“Al, are you ok?” He asked, instantly striding over to console him. 

Alex flinched when he heard Miles’ voice, so caught up in his own head he hadn’t even registered he wasn’t alone. When he realized it was Miles, he almost collapsed into his arms, harsh sobs racking his body. “Babe, I can’t do this. I can’t,” he pleaded, wrapping himself around Miles, “I can’t fucking do this… I can’t handle everyone- anyone, at all.” Alex continued to sob into Miles’ shirt, close to a full blown anxiety attack. 

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok,” Miles soothed, holding him close and running a hand through his hair, “I’ll get you home, ok? Just wait for me outside. I’ll be right out.” 

With a quick and lame excuse about needing to call his mother, Miles bid farewell to everyone, and they gave knowing, sympathetic smiles in return. Jamie clapped him on the shoulder gently, reminding him they were only a phone call away. Miles didn’t know why he bothered with excuses and lies anymore; everyone knew exactly what was going on. When they finally made it home, Alex shut himself in their bedroom, and Miles joined him, offering tea and a shoulder to cry on. 

Closing his eyes tightly, Miles tried to rid himself of the memories from their disastrous outing. The Alex who had broken down the night before, and the sleeping Alex he had in front of him now, were two extremely different sides of the same coin. Miles had begun waking up early, in an attempt to catch a glimpse of what he so desperately wanted for Alex: rest. Rest for his body, but even more so for his mind. He didn’t know how much longer he could watch Alex cry himself to sleep, or how many more times he could wake up in the middle of the night to console Alex during a panic attack, before he completely crumbled himself. 

—

A few weeks later, Alex comes home after running errands with an obvious pep in his step, one that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed by Miles, who was busy making dinner in the kitchen. 

“Hey babe,” Miles greeted cheerily, watching Alex discard his jacket, wallet and keys by the dining room table with a smile. 

“I’ve got a big surprise,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Oh? And what might that be?” Miles found himself also grinning, the energy that Alex put out seeping into him as well. It was so unfamiliar at this point, he drank in all he could get. 

“We bought a farm today!” Alex exclaimed. 

Miles stopped stirring the pot in front of him, and gave Alex an incredulous look. “You what?”

“Ok hear me out, yeah? It’s got 4.5 acres, a stable, three bedrooms, a study, everything we’d need!” Miles so desperately wanted to be angry at him; for not including him in the plan, not even once asking what he wanted, but the smile on Alex’ face had not diminished a bit, which led Miles to think maybe some time in the countryside wouldn’t be too bad. 

“Well, what about our home here?” Miles tried, still wide eyed, but Alex too had a plan for that. 

“We’ll keep it, of course. For when we’ve got work here in London.” Alex crossed the kitchen and put his arms around Miles’ neck, giving him a quick peck on the nose. “We can have horses, and chickens, and maybe some sheep, and they’ve got a little orchard on the property as well. It’s perfect, darling.” 

Miles huffed out a sigh, knowing full well he couldn’t get out of this situation, especially when Alex was looking at him with such dreamy eyes. “I think this could be really good, for the both of us.” Alex said, his smile faltering slightly at his words, and suddenly Miles understood. 

“I guess we’re farmers, then.” Miles surrendered, and Alex let out an excited squeal, hugging Miles tightly as he bounced on his toes. 

Later, after they’d eaten dinner and settled into bed, Alex was excitedly telling Miles all the details of their new home. 

“How long have you been planning this?” 

“A few weeks,” Alex replied nonchalantly, giving Miles a shrug. “I didn’t know if our offer would go through, but I think the owners decided that having a couple of rock stars living in their tiny Leicestershire village would make them look good.” 

“Leicestershire? Baby, that’s in the middle of nowhere.” 

“It’s hardly outside of London, what with how big this city is growing.” 

“Hardly outside London? That’s a bit of a stretch.” Miles huffed, brows raised, wondering where the point was to draw the line. 

“It’s two hours away, it takes just about that long to get to Piccadilly Circus.” 

“You’re gonna kill me, seriously,” Miles said, but every bit of bite he had left was gone once Alex places his lips on his. 

“It’s just that, I don’t think the city is fairing me too well, ya know?” Alex began, casting a shy glance at Miles before focusing his attention to his lap. “I’m always anxious, I’m scared to leave the house most days…. I can barely go anywhere without being seen, figuratively and literally. I need somewhere without prying eyes, without the scrutiny.” 

Miles took one of Alex’ hands and pressed it against his lips, and in a whisper, answered, “I understand, babe. I wanna do whatever’s best for ya, alright?” Alex smiled softly, nodding in reply as he snuggled up close to Miles. 

“I’m really looking forward to it, Mi. I’ve been so heavy, and today, when I signed those papers, I finally felt like I could breathe again.”

“Then I’m glad you did it… And who knows, maybe we can make an album out there, like McCartney.” 

—

In the month it took to finalize the sale, buy furniture, and settle any business they had in London, Alex had read an entire stack of books on farm living. Countless nights Miles had awoken to Alex sitting up dutifully in bed, scribbling notes in the margins of a book. The first few nights Miles had tried to persuade him to go to bed, and leave it for the morning, but the warmth in Alex’ eyes stopped him from putting up too much of a fight. 

Move in day was coming up fast, and Alex could barely contain his excitement. 

“Is the sheepskin rug too much?” Alex asked, almost in a perpetual state of interior decorating. 

“In the summertime, maybe. But I think it’ll look good in the library.” Miles said absently, picking the words that he knew would satisfy Alex. If he was honest, he checked out after the second week of furniture shopping, after realizing Alex was terrible at deciding on anything. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I can rent one, just to see how it looks?” 

“Well with the dark wood in the library, I think a white rug will give a nice contrast.” Miles replied, even though they’d already had this conversation a week ago. 

“You’re right,” Alex said sweetly, pecking Miles on the cheek to bring him back to reality. “Thank you, babe.” 

If Miles was honest, he had no idea how this would all turn out. He loved the city, everything about it; the people, the sounds, and the endless possibilities a Saturday night could bring. Alex, on the other hand, might enjoy the convenience of a city, but all the bustling and people drove him nuts. He knew there was always a possibility of being made, so every outing was an ordeal; he had to have the right outfit, the right disposition, and if anything was off he was a nervous wreck until he made it back home. Where Miles found the city exciting, Alex was completely drained by it, and over the years it had only weighed him down more and more. 

Seeing Alex like this, so passionate and full of life and excited about their farm, was something Miles hadn’t seen in a long time. The light in Alex’ eyes, which had drawn Miles in since the very beginning, was finally back; like a beautiful spring after an endless winter. It had been so tough for them; the countless therapy sessions, the nights he spent holding Alex and telling him everything would be ok, the days where Alex wouldn’t get out of bed, or eat, and something like a piece of burnt toast would send him into a spiral for the rest of the afternoon. For a long while, Miles wasn’t sure if they would make it, if  _ Alex  _ would make it, going so far as to put all sharp objects in the kitchen cupboards on a very high shelf in the back of the closet. But, since they bought the farm, he had begun to see glimpses of his real Alex again. The one who’d stay up all night reading, the one who’d cook Miles breakfast in bed even though he was shit it at, just because he wanted to. The one who sang in the shower and left Miles little lines of poetry littered around the house. The one who loved Miles with all his heart, the Alex who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. When he took that into consideration, he knew he didn’t really care about any nighttime shenanigans he could possibly be missing out on, or how Alex has been trying to decide on a rug for three days straight, he only cared about what made Alex the happiest. He deserved every tiny bit of happiness the world could bring, and Miles was more than willing to give up anything to help him achieve that, to keep that light in his eyes. 

It was still immensely bittersweet, however, when they packed their final boxes, and stood in their now mostly empty townhouse. This was  _ their  _ home, and more importantly, their first home. Miles was in the living room, going through memories of the nights they spent listening to records on the floor, getting way too drunk and slow dancing in their socks. 

Alex crept up behind him, wrapping his arms gently around Miles’ waist. “I’m gonna miss this place too,” he said softly, nuzzling the back of Miles’ neck. 

“Onto the next adventure, right?” Miles said as he turned around, smoothing a few unruly curls and cupping Alex’ cheek. 

“Just you and me, baby.” 

—

Alex had travelled back and forth from the farm and their townhouse a few times over the past month, signing contracts, receiving shipments, and making sure everything would be in place when they finally moved in. When they made the final trip up, he didn’t stop smiling the entire ride there. As soon as they reached the farm, he gave Miles the grand tour, starting off with the stable and orchard, and then throughout the home. Once Miles saw how their new house came together, all the doubts he had about moving to the country were squashed. The house was beautiful, and since they had been moving things over for about a week, there were few finishing details to be added. Alex had hired help from the best movers he could find in their new village, so they were settled in quickly, with only a few personal defects and boxes left to be unpacked. 

“I’ve got one more surprise for ya,” Alex said as they were climbing the stairs, where there were guest rooms and a smaller study. He led Miles down the hall, stopping at the last door. “Close your eyes, no peeking, yeah?” Miles covered his eyes and nodded, and Alex opened the door and guided him inside. “Alright, open!”

Miles uncovered his eyes, and was met with his own personal home studio. All of their guitars were hung on the wall, Alex’ piano was in the corner, a closet was converted into a sound booth, and there was enough audio engineering gear to record a whole album with. He was completely speechless, all he could do was stare at Alex with his mouth agape. 

“Got James to help me a bit with this one,” Alex said once Miles had stayed silent, save for a few flustered noises he managed to get out. 

“How..? Alex, this is… holy fuck…” Finally, he scooped Alex up into his arms, and covered his face in kisses. “This is. So. Perfect.” Miles said, punctuating his words with more pecks to Alex’ face. Miles had always wanted his own personal studio, but with how small their London home was, it was never an option. He couldn’t wrap his head around why Alex had gone through so much trouble to execute such a grand gesture, they moved here for Alex, first and foremost, but he was ecstatic all the same.

“I want this place to be just as much of a home for you as it is for me. I wanna give you everything you need.” Alex whispered, rubbing their noses together. 

“You’re so amazing, and I’m so proud of you, and you did such an amazing job, love.” Miles praised excitedly, resting his head on Alex' shoulder as he held him tightly. “Thank you so much, I couldn't be happier.” He whispered, lifting his head to finally give Alex a deep kiss on the lips. 

—

Miles surprised himself at how easily he settled into his new life. Alex was having a blast; since they moved in around the beginning of spring, Alex had taken up gardening, which proved to be extremely therapeutic for him. The orchard had been cleaned and pruned, and he had planted all of his summer crops in a plot off the side of the house. He even planted some flowers along the driveway and front door. It had taken Alex two weeks for everything to be ready for the upcoming summer, putting all of the knowledge he’d acquired to use. On the first day, Miles had offered his help to get everything ready, but Alex quickly dismissed him when he poured an entire packet of seeds into a single planter. 

Miles did prove to be handy when they put the chicken coop together, which was about a hundred times harder than any piece of Ikea furniture they’d ever put together. 

“Why are there so many fucking doors?” Miles said exasperated, his hands sore from screwing every hinge manually. 

“I… don’t know.” The confusion in Alex’ voice was evident as he stared blankly at the instruction booklet, scratching at his head. 

It took the better part of an afternoon to get it put together, and another afternoon to put up the chicken wire, Alex calculating carefully that every chicken had  _ at least  _ one tenth of a square meter each of room. 

Once their new “pets” (Miles wasn’t sure how chickens could be considered pets, but Alex was insistent) we’re safely in their new home, nesting happily, Alex settled into the settee with Miles with a triumphant sigh. Despite being pecked enough times to make his blood boil, Miles felt triumphant too, mostly because of the fact that this was the sixth night in a row that Alex had ended his day with a smile on his face. And yes, he’d absolutely kept count. 

—

Summertime came beautifully and with it came three sheep, named Larry, Curly, and Moe. Miles had once again helped with setting up the stable for proper animal keeping, a daunting job. He took a liking to them immediately, the way they happily followed him around as he walked along the field making sure there were no holes in the fencing. It was finally taking the looks of a real farm, now with chickens and sheep and crops, instead of just a house with property attached. The orchard had started to produce fruit, and Alex’ garden had begun blooming, something he took great pride in. 

Every night Alex would cuddle up to Miles in their big bed, telling him all about the fox he had seen in the field, or the nest of baby rabbits he found in the bushes, as if he were telling him about a new blockbuster film. Miles enjoyed it endlessly, and when Alex kissed him goodnight or good morning, he knew it truly would be a good night or morning. 

Alex’ therapist also noted how much had changed for him since they moved; their weekly video chat appointments (that Miles had to help him set up every time) becoming more of Alex listing all the ways he felt content instead of all the ways he wished the world would open up and swallow him whole. 

By midsummer they had more food from Alex’ garden and orchard than they knew what to do with, so they started weekly trips to the farmer’s market. This caused a great amount of anxiety for Miles at first, considering their last few outings ended in disaster. Once there, Alex kept a smile playing on his face the whole time, and his eyes even lit up when another farmer would compliment his crops or give him advice on yielding more. Miles tried to resist the urge to kiss him senseless the whole time. 

The way they made love changed as well. During the lowest point of their relationship, sex was rushed, rough, and fast, Alex asking for more pressure when Miles had his fingers wrapped around his neck, or pleading him to forgo the foreplay in favor of Miles scrambling his insides without warning. But now, it had all gone softer, them dragging out their lovemaking as if every time might be their last. Alex now always asking Miles to kiss him again, and the only pleading that came from his mouth was the sound of  _ fuck, I love you _ . 

There were still bad days, mostly when it rained and Alex couldn’t occupy himself with little more than feeding the animals. But even then Miles saw an improvement; Alex was less likely to isolate himself in the bedroom now, and instead would join Miles whenever he was, the studio, the study, or the library, and cuddle up with a book, letting Miles know he was still there. Miles had always enjoyed rainy days, and would never turn down an excuse to cuddle Alex. Even during the times when Alex was worse for wear, Miles never saw that glint of life leave Alex’ eyes, reassuring him that he hadn’t really gone anywhere, they’d just hit a small bump in the road. It was a slow process, he still got caught up in his thoughts, he was still the same Alex, but there was an obvious kindness he directed at himself that wasn’t there before, a new type of patience. He still got overwhelmed some days, still had tears that escaped despite his best efforts, but now he was backtracked by his personal mantra of  _ I’m ok, I’m still here, everything will be alright. _

—

Ever so slowly, Miles began to enjoy all of the little city replacements the country gave him; chicken clucks instead of city buses, sheep bleating instead of cars honking. The mornings were quiet, the peaceful sounds of nature bringing about an understood laziness as they floated through the air. 

Miles didn’t feel the need to wake up earlier than Alex anymore, to catch that small glimpse of a serene Alex. In actuality, most days Alex woke before him anyway, waking him up with feather light kisses to the corners of his mouth. Miles also found himself relaxing in different ways, he didn’t worry as much about what mood Alex would be in when he got home, if he should leave him by himself, or just how he was doing in general. Alex was  _ ok _ , the proof was written all over his face. There they were, finally getting back to the real thing, two idiots in love, who bought a farm together. 

Miles heavily contemplated the changes they had made together, his new every day view, and he found he loved it, especially when his view consisted of Alex straddling him like it did now. 

“Is this how you’re gonna tell me about your day from now on?” Miles grinned, placing his tender hands on Alex’ waist. 

“Maybe, you listen better this way.” Alex smirked, leaning in to plant a kiss on open lips. 

Miles hummed in response, his grip on Alex’ waist tightening. “I’m so glad we moved out here,” he admitted, lifting his head slightly for another kiss, which was granted. 

“Oh? My city boy loves the country then?” Alex teased, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

Flipping them over swiftly, Miles positioned himself perfectly between Alex’ welcoming thighs, and Alex beamed at him. “You don’t miss the city?” 

Miles gently pinned Alex’ wrists above his head, attaching his lips to the man’s neck, eliciting a moan as Alex rolled his hips up into Miles’. “No,” Miles said against Alex’ neck, “I’ve got everything I need right here.”


End file.
